The BFD

Those who know me-really know me-can tell you that I have something of a humble streak. In fact, I tend to be humble to a fault, not accepting compliments and using myself as the butt of many jokes. I’ve been told I shouldn’t do this, but I guess I’m too British not to.

So when I got my last round of edits back from the publisher, I began working on them, not really thinking about it. Writing is more than a “job” or a “hobby”, it is something of a spiritual experience. I can’t describe it any better than that, not because I fail at wordsmithing (I actually have put most of my experience points in it) but because like most things spiritual, it must be experienced rather than explained. And editing is a part of that experience; I just sort of zone out and do what needs to be done, enjoying the process. tonight, in the midst of it, I suddenly realized: I’m going to be published. Not self-published, not sell books out of the trunk published, but actually published. And when I tried to downplay this with my damned humility, my brain said, “No, idiot, this is a BFD!” (For those of you who might be slow, that translates roughly into Big Frikkin’ Deal). And it is. Not a large percentage of people get published, but an even smaller percentage actually complete a novel. Writing novels is difficult, not because throwing sentences together is in and of itself difficult, but because writing drains you, body and soul. You write because you are compelled by a force stronger than you, and there are days when it can take all that is within you to write a sentence, while other days it flows from you like beer at a frat party.

Writer’s block is only conquered by writing. There are no secrets to this, just doing the work. And sometimes, when the stars align, the Norns favor you, and Heaven smiles down, you get to have something published. But if we did it to get published, we’d be writing bodice-ripper romance novels. I don’t think I’ll rid myself of my self-deprecation any time soon, but the realization that I’m being published, that this is a BFD, makes me feel a little bit good about myself. And I think it should.

Until Death is Defeated,

 

Sam

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